Momma ain’t raise no quitter!!
Went through and desoldered the rest of those atrocious switches and pulled the plate mount stabs.
I wasn’t expecting much for $40, especially after @Deadeye’s attempt at the same exercise of futility.
After lifting a pad during my last attempt to desolder these switches from this board, I took things slower and worked at making sure as much solder as possible was removed before I attempted to try to pull the switches. Several grueling hours later, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!
I then went to work on testing the PCB to verify that pulling the pad didn’t do permanent damage. Looks like soldering in a Millmax socket was able to correct the damage I had caused.
I decided to use some extra Alpaca colored Durock V2’s that have just been sitting around for about a year. Since I figured this board was probably going to sound like garbage no matter what I threw at it, I figured that cheap switches would be the play. Cheap switches that sound good no matter what you throw them in? Sounds like a job for Gat Pro Milky Yellows!!!
After soldering was done, I looked over and saw I had additional plate foam from working on another board and tossed that in between the back case and the PCB after cutting it to size. After everything was screwed back together and the stock keycaps were back on, I have to say, for $40, it doesn’t sound too bad at all… 
Now, it’s far from my best sounding board, but for the price, it definitely impressive… after the hours of painstaking work, soldering iron burns, sore thumbs, and colorful language. 
Not-So-Ninja Edit: For transparency, and also detailing my journey in this hobby; turns out I had another bad/lifted pad. Millmax didn’t work on this one, so I ended up having to jumper one pin to another switch. Looks ugly, but worked like a charm!
Also, here is a shot for the plate foam I am using as case foam:
