“you’re not my cup of tea”
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That’s also something you can say about your tea and not your partner
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new thread! jk
You can say it to your partner, but, you have to deal with the consequences !
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“you’re way too loud for daily use/public use”
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I have said this to my wife 
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“I wish you were a bit stiffer” 
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“that powder coating does not look good on you”
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“That harsh bottom out is really unsatisfying.”
Variation of the theme:
“I really don’t appreciate that sound you make when I bottom out.”
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I am surprised how many expressions with a double meaning work both for keyboards and partners.
Totally ok to say about your keyboard, but they probably wouldn’t actually “work” when said to your partner. 
I like this thread! 
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“That advertised self-lubrication of yours doesn’t really work, does it? Ahh I guess it’ll be better after a break in period.”
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“Your stem is too short”
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“Yeah that wobbly stem really isn’t working out for me”
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“I like the curves more on the other one”.
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There’s no such thing as endgame.
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“Your stem is quite the breaker 
”
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“Cost me a fortune but damn it felt nice”
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She’s heavy in the bottom, but I like some solidness.
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“I could flip this one for different one”
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Can’t believe nobody has said it yet… “Chonky!”
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